Wakame Tenshi Hero of Karakura Town
by Anpan Roller
Summary: This is a parody from the game Bleach Soul Carnival. Follow Wakame-Tenshi Seaweed Angel in translation and his sidekick Byakuya as they try to save Karakura Town from the evil hands of... Kon?


They look like any ordinary residents of Karakura Town - your usual seaweed having a conversation with a man scenario. In fact, they look so ordinary, that nobody would have guessed they were actually superheroes in disguise.

Yes, you have heard me right; they are Wakame Tenshi and his sidekick, Byakuya. Upholders of Justice, Heroes of Karakura Town. Although all decked up in their disguise, any heroes must be alert and on the constant lookout for evil. That is why you often see them with grave expression embodied on their expression - that is, if you can even spot them from the ordinary people.

Suddenly, Byakuya's phone rang. He flipped it open and put it to his ears. "Kuchiki Taichou!" Renji's agitated voice came through, "How long more are you going to be on leave? Yamamoto Taichou says he is going to deduct your pay if you..."

Byakuya calmly slammed the phone shut and slipped it into the backpocket of his jeans.

"Wakame?(What's the problem?)" Wakame Tenshi looked up.

"Nothing, Wakame Tenshi-sama. Just nosy salesman selling pufferfish again," He answered, pushing his shades into position.

"Waka waka wakaame, (I see. Thank goodness it's not Renji-kun telling you that Yamamoto-kun is going to deduct your pay if you don't return to Soul Society soon.)" Wakame Tenshi nodded his head in relief.

Byakuya cleared his throat. Just then, his phone vibrated again. 'It'd better not be Renji or I'll break his sunglasses,' he thought. It turned out to be a message from Yachiru:

_Byakun! If you don't come back soon there'll be no more banana splits for you and I'll personally ask Ken-chan to break you neck! Lotsalotsa love, Yachiru 3_

He sighed and decided to simply switch off his mobile phone.

Back in the 11th Squad Headquarters a small crowd hunched over Yachiru's cellphone.

"So, anything?" Renji quizzed, nervous.

Yachiru pouted and shook her head. Yamamoto Taichou stood up, his back cracking, and announced, "That's it! No more year-end bonus for Kuchiki Byakuya! And no more discounts at the salons!"

Zaraki swung his Zanpakuto over his shoulder and smirked, "Oi, do I break his neck now?"

"ACHOO!!" Byakuya exploded.

"Wakame? (Are you okay?)"

"Yeah," he sniffed, face blushing, "Forgive me for my state of humiliation, Wakame Tenshi-sama." How could he have acted so embarassingly in front of Wakame Tenshi-sama?

All of a sudden, Wakame Tenshi sprang up, Byauya catching him in his palms just in time. Wakame Tenshi gazed determinedly into Byakuya's eyes. Byakuya's face felt hot. Just looking at Wakame Tenshi-sama's seaweed-like eyes was enough to make his heart skip a beat. He almost forgot to breathe in his presence. "Wakame Tenshi... sama..."

"Wakame wakame waaaakame. Wakame waka wakame! (I want you to eat me, Byakuya-chan. You've not been eating enough Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Vitamin E, Vitamin K, Niacin, Pantothenic Acid Phosphorus, Riboflavin, Folate, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Copper and Manganese, which I happen to have, that's why you've caught a cold!)"

Byakuya's face grew even redder, "Eat... eat you? Wakame Tenshi-sama?"

Wakame Tenshi, forever selfless, nodded its head. Byakuya had no choice but to oblige what Wakame Tenshi-sama thinks is best for him. He parted his lips and brought Wakame Tenshi face was burning, his heart pounded like mad... ...

"BEEEP! BEEEP! BEEP!" The Shinigami alarm sounded at the most inappropriate of times, ruining Byakuya's fangirl moment. The pair jolted, and decided to abandon the current plan. Byakuya gently lowered Wakame Tenshi onto the ground, and snatched off his glasses. Our heroes are ready for action!

Over at the other end of Karakura Town, Ichigo, Rukia, Uryu, Sado and Orihime stood agasp at a gigantic robot resembling Kon. It was about 7-storeys-tall. "Wha... What's this thing?" Ichigo ecliamed, tightening his grip around Zangetsu, "Is it another kind of Hollow, Rukia?"

Rukia shook her head, a drop of sweat trickled down her head, stupified by the random monster.

"It looks like it is something from the Real World," Uryu commented, pushing up his glasses.

"Ah! Don't fret, don't fret!" A familliar voice sounded in the background. The group whipped their heads around. Urahara Kisuke stood there, fanning himself. "Mecha Kon is just a failed experiment on Kon. You see, I was trying to see if I could modify him a little, just a teeeeensy tiny bit, and it turned out like this."

The others casted him doubtful stares, "A little...?"

"Anyway," he continued, ignoring the remark, "There is one way to stop this thing. If Mecha Kon touches water he'll automatically return to normal."

"Ah! That's easy!" Orihime chirped, before sprinting away and returning with a bottle of mineral water. She skipped forward and emptied the contents onto Mecha Kon's left foot.

They waited, staring at the robot intensely. Seconds passed like hours, and finally, Mecha Kon seemed to have a response.

"TOOOKUMARIIII!!!" It roared, its eyes flashing red and eye-blinding lasers shoot from his mouth in all directions. The group instinctively ducked.

"Oi, Urahara-san, didn't you say it'll go back to normal once it touches water? What's happening now?" Ichigo yelled, trying to make himself heard over the ruckus.

"Ah, didn't I tell you if it comes into contact with vitamins it gets stronger?" He laughed sheepishly.

"NO!!" The rest thundered.

"Ah! What's that?" Uryu pointed towards the sky. They spotted a flying speck of greenness.

"It's a bird!"

"It's a plane!"

"No! It's a seaweed!" Orihime shrieked, only to be greeted with quizzical stares from the group.

The flying green speck landed on top of a lamp post, right beside a man squatting there in a Shinigami uniform.

"It... really is a seaweed..." Ichigo announced in disbelief.

The man lifted up his glasses and declared, "Mitsuke ta!"

"Nii-sama?!" Rukia called out.

The duo fell swiftly and landed perfectly. Ichigo's eyes widened, not believing what he had seen. He could not be wrong - the greeness of the seaweed, the charm it radiates from its flimsy piece of weedy goodness, those eyes said to be those of a dragon awakening from its slumber - yes! It's Wakame Tenshi and his side kick, Byakuya, heroes of Karakura Town!!

_[Ichigo: CHOTTO! Hey! I didn't say - or think- like that!! I am the protagonist of an anime for goodness sake! I don't idolise seaweeds like what old men with long hair in scarfs! Where is this narrator? Just because you don't appear in the show doesn't mean you can do anything you want, got that?! Me: Ah, sorry about that.]_

Wakame Tenshi pointed at Mecha Kon, declaring, "Wakame waka wakame. Wakakakakakaka... (You may be big, but Justice will always be bigger and stronger than evil! Hahahahaha....)"

He jumped up, aiming at him, "Wakame! (Get a taste of my seaweed)" (Pun intended)

Something struck Uryu, "Chotto! That seaweed isn't planning to... ..." Before he could finish his sentence Byakuya appeared in a flash before him.

"You have problems?" He leered, hands resting on the handle of Senbozakura. Uryu, intimidated, shook his head timidly.

A hand landed on Byakuya's shoulder, followed by Ichigo's voice, "Oi, Byakuya, we appreaciate the thoughts but we can handle this...MMPH!" Byakuya's icy cold blade was already pressed against Ichigo's neck.

"Are you... doubting Wakame Tenshi-sama?" He demanded in his deep voice. Ichigo uttered a weak 'no' before he was thankfully released from his grasp.

"Oh no! Look!" Sado instructed. Everybody lifted their heads at once.

Wakame Tenshi, now floating in mid air, was wielding a katana in front of himself, "Waka, wakawakame. (Chire, Senbonwakame.)"

"This is... Nii-sama's...!" Rukia noted.

Immediately the katana scattered into a sea of green shards. Droplets of cold sweat formed on everybody's forehead. "Ano, Kuchiki-san, are those shards of seaweed?" Uryu asked, gulping.

Byakuya replied, "Is there a problem with that?"

Urahara laughed nervously, "Ah no, it's just a tiny little inconvenience because... well..."

The shards were directed towards Mecha Kon. The cloud of seaweed rocketed towards it at full speed. They collided with the robot's metallic exterior and spreaded themselves over it. Within seconds Mecha Kon was engulfed.

Byakuya's lips curled slightly, secretly delight for Wakame Tenshi-sama, and was unable to understand why the others were covering their eyes in cowardice.

"Wakame wakaa... (This is the end...)" Wakame Tenshi looked on.

Mecha Kon remained lifeless for a second. Then, there was an explosion, sending bits and pieces of razorsharp seaweed fragments racing in all directions. Mecha Kon raised its hands up in triumph, and was now bigger - much, much bigger. It grew to the approximate height of a hill, and high-powered neon blue lasers beamed from its mouth, shattering everything it touches. Thankfully there were no other people around. Ichigo and the others bolted away from its sight.

The beam was advancing towards Wakame Tenshi, who had no time to dodge. He was too stunned to even move.

Byakuya, who heard his master's cries, skided to a stop and turned back. "Nii-sama, it's dangerous!" Rukia stretched out her hand, missing Byakuya's coat by an inch. Byakuya leapt up, drawing his sword. There was a momentary blinding flash of light. When Rukia pried open her eyes, she saw Byakuya standing in front of Wakame Tenshi, shielding him with his Senbonzakura petals. It seemed like he was struggling, before finally giving way and being flung away along with Wakame Tenshi. He cupped Wakame Tenshi in his hands. They crashed onto the ground, using Byakuya's back to break his fall, and to protect Wakame Tenshi. Byakuya opened up his palms slowly, Wakame Tenshi was unconscious.

Just then Ichigo spotted the most unfortunate thing - two 11 graders were strolling right in the laser's path! It seemed that they were oblivious to the riot of destruction, all eyes on a magazine one of them held. Ichigo wanted to save them, but there was no chance to. He cursed, heart palpitating.

The laser swept closer every second, the boys were still not noticing the danger they were in, fawning over the magazine.

"Wow, I can't believe you can get your hands on this thing!"

The laser was so close there were highlights of the neon blue in the boys' hair now. It was touching their foot soon...

"Yeah, but thankfully the ojii-san understands that all men needs to own at least one copy of Ecchi JUMP! in their lifetime."

Just as suddenly the laser ceased. Mecha Kon seemed to have halted for some reason. Then, it began shrinking. Everyone's jaws fell - what's happening?

In a matter of seconds Mecha Kon was reduced to the plushy pushover Kon. "Did I hear... Ecchi JUMP! ? The only magazine on earth meant for men where even if you stand up looking at it it will make your legs all wobbly?" He chanted in disbelief. Immediately he pounced onto the two boys, who are finally aware of their surroundings and let out a yelp when they saw an diving lion plushy.

Fortunately Kon was hurled away in midair by Ichigo's fllying bottle. Kon collided onto the concrete floor, before flipping himself over and cursed Ichigo, "Bakkayaro! What was that for?!"

Ichigo scratched the back of his head in annoyance, "You one chance of being a super cool villain and your falling scene's got to be like that. Can't you at least die in a normal way, like being slashed into halves by me or something? No wonder you never make it to the Top Ten in the Popularity polls."

"You! Don't you understand that ecchi is the goal and pleasure of every men's life? Aren't you a man, Ichigo? Huh? Huh? Hu...AHH!"

Ichigo had conveniently stepped on his face to stop the nagging.

Wakame Tenshi, aroused by the commotion, slowly sat up. "Waka, wakame? (What happened?)" He asked, weak and feeble.

Byakuya gazed longingly at Wakame Tenshi, "You've defeated the villain, Wakame Tenshi-sama. You've saved Karakura Town.

"Wakame...(That's good...)" He replied softly. Then, he stood up, a little wobbly but still manageable. "Wakame, (Let's go,)" Byakuya nodded his head, and the duo flew off, right into the azure blue sky.

Thank you, Wakame Tenshi and side kick Byakuya, for bringing peace back to Karakura Town once again. Upholders of Justice, Heroes of Karakura Twon, we will not forget you! See you next time, Wakame Tenshi!

_[Ichigo: CHOTTO MATTE!!! Wakame Tenshi didn't save Karakura Town, Kon got defeated on his own! That piece of seaweed didn't even do anything, it only made matters worse! You stupid narrator, who hired you?! Kubo-sensei? Shinso Abe-sensei? I'll make sure you get fired!!_

_Byakuya(pulls out Senbozakura): Kurosaki Ichigo, you were saying...?_

_Ichigo(flustered): Ah n... no! I was... was just telling the audience how wonderful Wakame Tenshi-sa...sama is and how seaweeds are good for them... Wait! Wha... What are you doing with that sword? You're not going to...wai...wait...! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!_

_Me: Sorry, Ichigo, I just need to do that.^^]_


End file.
